remember that time we danced in the doorway? i don't know what song it was, something about clouds maybe? it was such a silly moment but it is one of those that comes back to me when i think of you. god, how disillusioned life seems after everything. all i want is to get on my bike and ride down to the road, just past the beach. the empty stretch where you can always steal a moment alone. contemplative and cool in the east wind, looking out towards the lighthouse across the harbor. that water. nothing could nurture me more. it quietens my disturbed soul. i am realizing now what i always suspected to be true, that my time underwater was what made me. meditation. and now i am trapped in this glass and cement cage. i saw the sea today, only the turgid water of the bay. there are too many people here. if i cannot be with you i want to be with no one. how impossible to escape, this modern world.