enough about love. let's try something less controversial...

hmm, i did have something to say, but it seems that like most of my good ideas, it has but floated by in my head without stopping to stay.

i do have BIG IDEAS about life and the like. really, i do. but stringing the strands of thought together into cohesive sentences just seems beyond my abilities lately.

i have been starting to realise that my upbringing is not as intelligent as i had been wont to imagine. i was never asked to form strong opinions, i was never pushed to be great at anything, i didn't have to form myself into anyone complete. i don't know that it would be called lack of opportunity. and to say that if only we had had more money things would have been different, i can't say. i have always been a worshipper of the cult of money. i am the hillsborough daughter, switched at birth, whose wealthy parents took home the poor peoples kid. so anyways, that may skew my opinions on the matter slightly. but what if we had had private school educations? i have always had a sort of stubborn pride in my public school education, like yeah, i went to that school where there are gangs and neo-nazis and its more hispanic than white. so what? i went to a private east coast university and i even know someone who went to stanford. but most of the kids who went to university stayed in california. no one went to harvard or yale or columbia. could we have done more, been better advantaged if we had not gotten the free education our american birth right offered us? if we had had a real theater at school, if there had been good music classes, parents who could donate not only money but social status, class, mercs and beamers and back yard pools? european summer vacations, summer homes, cape cod and boat shoes. would it have made a damn difference? i never thought i would be one of those people, a believer in private (catholic even!) education. who gives a shit about the religious aspect, but i suppose it could either give a kid morals, or the fodder for a specific kind of catholic hatred that i have only heard of and never experienced.