if this is heaven

i think i died last night. my memory is a big black hole. my lungs are sore. my ribs ache. my stomach, well...

i had dreams that i wanted to write down when i awoke but those faded from memory as soon as light touched my eyelids. they were dreams of you. and you. and you.

love is not blind, only ignorant. or really, more likely, it knows exactly what it is doing, but turns and laughs in your face as it reaches groping hands out to the wrong man. love is shallow and it is not blind because if it were, i would be okay with the good boy with the less handsome face. and i have not yet learned to close my eyes.